Grace and elegance

This week, I have been demonstrating some of the more flattering sides of pregnancy. Consider:

1. I burned my stomach while I was ironing my pants this morning. I learned two very important lessons: My stomach is sticking out much further than I was aware of, and it is unwise to iron without a shirt on, for now-obvious safety reasons.

2. I can now lean back on the couch and balance a full glass of water on the top of my stomach. I should learn more carnival tricks like this one. I'm like a seal with a beach ball - just tempt me with a treat and I'm good to go.

3. I had a dream that the baby was born this week. She was fine, just tiny. Oh, and she came out in a glass bottle, kind of like a ship in a bottle. This might have something to do with the fact that I have just started reading up on the labor and delivery process, and it might be freaking me out a little. Not sure how the baby ended up in a bottle, though.

4. I had to cut the waistband of my leggings this morning so they wouldn't completely cut off my entire circulatory system. A few weeks ago, I saw that the Gap was selling maternity leggings for seventeen dollars, and I wondered what kind of sucker would buy them. It turns out, the kind of sucker who doesn't want to cut holes in her clothing. Silly me. The belly has won the battle. My attempts at non-maternity clothing alteration have become rather futile and stupid at this point - the leggings ended up rolling down my stomach and falling down all day anyways. Guess I'll be going to the Gap this weekend. . .

5. After I have the baby, this is going to be my "before" picture when I start going to the gym again. HELLO, MILKSHAKES!! Good lord, I got huge all of a sudden! P.S. I can't believe I am putting this photo on the World Wide Web, but whatever. I'm pretending I am a bear, fattening up for winter hibernation.